to my future husband

I've sat down on a number of occasions to write to you but on each previous attempt I have struggled to find the words. And now I know why.


I wasn't ready for you to find me yet because I had some shit I had to work through first.


Over my lifetime you've changed a lot and with each revision of my vision of you, you became more self-aware, less superficial and more aligned with the journey you’re on. But of course you did, you were mirroring me.


I have been lucky enough to meet the previous versions of you that I was looking for; the 'season' or 'reason' guys. If there is one thing I'm pretty damn proud of myself for it's my ability to manifest things into my life. And if I'm being completely honest the previous versions of you were actually great for me for the place I was at when I met them. I loved some, I learned from them all and I grew. I will always have nothing but love and gratitude for each of them; and not in spite of the bad parts – because of all the parts.


But they weren't you.


I was about to start writing "I wondered if I'd ever find you" but that couldn't be further from the truth. I've always known I would.


And you, you handsome human, are totally worth the wait.


For the longest time I prided myself on being a strong, independent woman, zealously paving my own path and always figuring things out by myself (like that time I single handedly moved a queen size mattress upstairs). Whilst I have proven to myself that I am capable of a hell of lot, I love that you allow me to be strong when I want to and that you want to be my strength when I need it. You're like an invisible forcefield protecting me with just your presence.


Your consideration for people, animals, the environment and the greater good of humanity is humbling. Every single day you make me want to be a better person and it makes my soul so happy that we are on the same wavelength. Your moral compass is also completely on point. There isn’t a shadow of doubt that you will always make the right decisions when it comes to morals and ethics. This is one of your most attractive qualities and it makes me proud to be with you.


Your ability to connect with people gives me the warmest of fuzzies. Watching how your eyes light up and your presence exudes a ridiculous warmth whenever you have conversations with people is truly magical. I am surrounded by the most amazing friends and I always knew that our social circles would fit together so effortlessly. You are one of the most attentive listeners I've ever met and when you speak the words always come from the most beautiful, loving place. You have an ability to make everyone feel comfortable and safe, and your knowledge and intelligence is never condescending or used to make people feel any less than you. Because you know that they aren't and that we are all just one.

Once I let go of my need to be right, in control and know "what the plan is" I learnt just how amazing spontaneity can be, and the fact that you like to take the lead makes me want to surrender even further. In the past I've tended to attract people that let me take that leader role because I was living too much in my masculine energy, but you bring the perfect amount of energy to balance me out and let me stay (and play) in my feminine.


If I'd met you even a couple of years ago I know I would have been intimidated and triggered by you. Hard. Not because of you, but because of me. My insecurities were present and I hadn't learned how to live fully in cause rather than effect. Now I love to have my ideas and beliefs thoughtfully challenged as that gives me the opportunity to reflect, and in turn grow. I love our deep conversations and honest, open debates. I never thought I would be so turned on by someone who is strong enough to call me on my shit. You sure do have a way with words.


We don't necessarily speak the same love language but you understand this and you know exactly how to make me feel loved. Not because you intrinsically know, but because you ask and you listen. You read my energy and know what to say and do in that moment. And when you don't know you just say so, and that is all I've ever wanted. If there is one thing I've learnt over the years is that communication is literally everything. And ours is next level.


Being in your presence is magnetic and I won't lie, I really do want to rip your clothes off most of the time. Your elevated stature and the way you carry yourself makes me weak at the knees, and when your big, strong arms wrap around me in the most incredible of embraces I feel so safe, loved and protected. Although who you are on the inside is the most important thing to me, it doesn't hurt that I find you insanely physically attractive. From your smiling eyes, huge bright smile and lush head of hair, to your broad shoulders and strong legs, to your stylish dress sense… you totally know who you are, and I'm definitely picking up what you're putting down. It's also pretty hot the way you can pick me up and throw me on the bed… and if that's the only reason you work out, that works for me ;)


I always joke about my love of everything else being second to coffee, but you get it. The way you make me a coffee in bed in the morning, go out of your way to make sure we make a café stop whenever we are out and about, and surprise me with coffee dates throughout the week is the best feeling ever. I'm not even sure you share the same degree of passionate love for coffee as I do, but that doesn't matter. The fact that you love me for loving coffee and enjoy doing all things coffee is more than enough. Because you know that I will do the same for you and whatever it is that sets your soul alight.


I love how passionately you enjoy music. All music. (well maybe not Screamer or Electronic/DnB… but I'm open for you to convince me otherwise). I love that you love to discover new music and how you introduce me to new songs or artists you've randomly found. Whenever I send you a link to a rad song I'm digging, you will listen to it in its entirety and add it to one of our many genres of playlists because you vibe with it too. The way you can't stop yourself from singing or dancing whenever there is great music playing and the car-karaoke on our road trips is legit. The way you will book tickets to a gig no matter where it is in the world, and how you know we will just figure out the logistics and make it happen. Because music is life.

Not only are you the first to get on the dancefloor with me, you also know how to have an epic time without the need for alcohol. You’ll happily go to social gatherings and stay sober enough to drive, but you’re also down to share a bottle of wine with me at home so that I can have some without having to tip the rest of the bottle out. Because we both know that I don’t drink often enough to warrant opening a bottle for myself. You never peer pressure me into drinking and you’re a strong enough man to not succumb to peer pressure either. You make decisions based on what you want, not what others tell you that you should or shouldn’t be doing.


The way I like to travel has changed a lot over the years, as I am sure it has for you. Whilst you appreciate travelling in a bit of luxury and style, you also don't mind packing a tent or chucking things in our super cute home built campervan and going off the grid for a few days. I'm definitely not an adrenaline junkie but I do like to have adventures and create epic memories, and the way you encourage me to try new things even when I'm being resistant is just what I need.


Where you're from has never been important to me because I'm a little bit of a gypsy at heart. I live by the philosophy that home is a feeling not a place and it's comforting that you feel the same. Whilst you are happy to put down roots somewhere, you know that as long as it's together and we're in a place that makes our souls happy that's all that matters. And if at any time we want to pack up and head somewhere else for a new adventure, you embrace the opportunity for change as much as I do. You have strong family values but you know that they are always just a flight away, and you make your decisions based on what your soul feels called to do, not what you feel an obligation to do.


I've tried to imagine what our home looks like but honestly, it changes often. All I know is that when it comes time to buying or building a place together to call our own, we will be on the same page. Our similar minimalistic style and taste, and our desire to reduce our environmental footprint will make the process so incredibly easy.  And it's pretty damn handy you're good at building things and getting in there and figuring out stuff… because, like you, I do love a good DIY project.  One thing I do know is that we will have a few homes scattered around the place, and each will satisfy different elements of our lives and passions.


In the past my lack of clarity in what my partner did for a career resulted in me attracting people with location specific jobs. At first I didn't think this would be an issue but it really went against my core value of freedom, and my love of travel, change and working from cafes anywhere in the world. I didn't initially think I needed someone who was interested in creating the same freedom business lifestyle as me, but the fact that you are and that we can collaborate on things really lights my soul up. I love that we share a similar ambitious and goal driven nature, and know that we have the power to change lives and make the world a better place.


My soul is filled with so much gratitude towards you for allowing me to take the time and space I needed to become the woman I am today. We both know that if we had tried to make us work at any point before now, we very likely wouldn't have lasted. We each needed to become the people we are now; we needed to love, hurt, evolve, grow and be so damn happy on our own first.


I know your journey hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies either; you've had to muster up all kinds of strength to get to where you are, and I hope you know I'm always cheering you on. For all of your sadness and grief I'm sending you love and empathy. For all of your anger and hurt I'm sending you compassion and patience. For all of your fear I'm sending you strength and courage. For all of your happiness and love I'm sending you an equal energetic vibration of the same. Because you are me, I am you, and we are all one.


As I write this I know that you, my Future Husband, are also imagining me and thinking about all of the qualities that I have that you so strongly desire. We may have already crossed paths somewhere along our travels at a time when our journeys weren't aligned, or you could be hanging out somewhere in the future waiting for us to lock eyes across the room and just know. I'm not the same person I was in the past and I am not going to be the same person in the future but with each version of ourselves, I am confident that when we do connect for our deep, soul-on-fire romance, we will keep growing in the same direction and that we will continue to choose each other every day.


Until then, I'll keep choosing me while I will wait for you.